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Fitting

8/29/2015

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This popped up in my email a few minutes ago...I couldn't say how I feel any better than this. I am learning to be selfless and dissolving myself into, "...a useful member of the world family."
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  August 29, 2015
Charitable and Useful
Libra Daily Horoscope You may feel a sense of oneness with the world as you experience selflessness today. Giving your time and energy in service to others helps you to dissolve your sense of self and to feel like part of a whole. While you feel charitable, you also feel useful and filled with purpose. We are like drops in the ocean: individual, but part of a larger energy. There are many times when we are unable to accomplish something alone, but are strong and powerful when we join with others. In the case of service and charity, while making a one-time donation will certainly help, partnering regularly with an organization that can provide long-term solutions is even better. Your intuition will guide you to the perfect way to make your contribution today.

In helping others, we recognize our reflection in and universal connection with them. We are all many expressions of the same energy, just as a tree is made up of many expressions of itself: the roots, trunk, branches, leaves, fruit. When we do our part in service to others, it comes back to us because it nourishes us all. In caring for another, we care for ourselves and our future as a whole. When we can dissolve our individual boundaries to melt into the energy of oneness, we know that our contributions make a difference to the wellbeing of the planet. We make selfless choices today, in the hope of being a useful member of the world family

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Indefinite Sabbatical

8/29/2015

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In the beginning of 2015, I was faced with the hard choice of continuing my art career or giving my time to my family. I of course had to choose my family, but it has taken me through a whirlwind of emotions. I have had to learn a new, selfless way to think and exhist in the world. My time is not my own anymore. I used to sneak away to my studio to work and just think. But I gave up my alone time to engage with the people I love.

This all has not been easy. I have been creating things since I could hold a crayon. Through college I still created in my spare time. Then after undergrad I began using art as a business. Like all business, success is determined by who you know. I just came to that realization recently. After all my failures I realized I just don't have any connections. There was no one regularly buying my art and seeing my art through a failing business, left a bitter taste in my mouth. My art has been my business for over 12 years, so to quit and just be a wife and mother was and is so hard.

On the one hand I feel like I lost my labels, my independence, my expression, and my purpose, on the other I feel like I am required to raise thoughtful, generous, passionate people. I chose to marry. I chose to have children. And I wanted to do everything, to have it all. But my business did not go anywhere and our family was stressed out. So I gave up a way of life that was so ingrained in me, that I still have panic attacks when the house is still.

I have learned that I am the glue that holds this family together. My partner is the one that's good at making money, I am not. I am good at saving us money and work very hard to live a certain lifestyle on a budget. My time is mostly spent cooking, cleaning, running errands and gardening. Some of those things I enjoy, some I hate, but all take time. When I worked on art, one or all of the things that need to be done on a daily basis would get pushed to another time, build up or get put on my partners to do list. There have been summers where I could not participate in camping trips or vacations because I had to get a project done.

My goal is to simplify my life. I just breath and tell myself I need more down time. I don't need to live a life constantly on the go. I need to be board again.

I am not sure if I will ever do art as a business again. I still have projects that I am working on, but the world will see less of them than in years past. It is time for me to live a selfless life. I must give up my dreams of being a respected artist and maker for the dreams of my children.

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    Just Because

    I am going to post some of my experiments and thoughts. It can be anything from photography to art to mycology

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  • Home
  • Projects
    • Art of Fungi >
      • Amanita Augusta
      • Cladonia macilenta
      • Clavulina rugosa
      • Fomitopsis mounceae
      • Complex Geopyxis alpina
      • Gyromitra esculenta
      • Helvella Maculata
      • Hemitomes congestum
      • Hydnellum peckii
      • Ichmadophila ericetorum
      • Kretzschmaria deusta
      • Monotropa uniflora
      • Morchella
      • Phellodon atratus
      • Psathyrella longistriata
      • Pseudoplectania nigrella
      • Pyronema omphalodes
      • Russula nigricans group
      • Schizophyllum commune
      • Tapinella atrotomentosa
      • Urnula padeniana
      • Xylaria hypoxylon
    • Zines
    • Art Books
    • Artist's Shuffle: My Dichotomy >
      • Artist's Shuffle
    • Ceramics
    • Creature Series
    • Fashion
    • Handmade Mosaic Floor
    • Horrible Holiday Series
    • I Want To Mail You Art
    • Library
    • Paintings
    • Path To Extinction
    • Political Art
    • Photography
    • Published Books
    • Steampunk Art
    • Videos
  • Art Shows
  • Graphic Design
  • Shop
  • Contact
    • Links >
      • Anglin Cues
      • Emerging Artist Magazine
      • Girl With A Hook
  • Etsy Store
  • Just Because Blog