I have never made art or done anything more than journaling about these experiences. They are incredibly intense life changing events and I have basically been surviving the past few years. The food allergies have alienated me from most of a social life and I am now even afraid to engage in social activities or travel and I have lost all spontaneity. Everything I do now requires a plan. That is exhausting. The ectopic pregnancy put me so close to death that it brought me to a place where I finally realized who I was and to do the things I wanted because life was just too short. The Cesarian forced me into a reality that things do not go as planned. My body was permanently deformed and it has taken years to pick up the pieces on my self esteem.
It feels the older I get, the less I actually know about the world. I never thought any of those things would happen to me. I have basically lived my life as a good person taking very little risk but life just hands me the drama and makes me deal with it. Most of my trauma can be directly tied to either a sexual or reproductive issue. This life has been brutal but because if it, I can empathize with other women on these issues too.
The first part of internal exploring will come in this next Artist's Shuffle: My Dichotomy. I have never done a self portrait other than photography. I feel like this project, where I will have to create over 100 self portraits alongside another artist's self portrait will be the first step in self discovery.